The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer

10 Variations of Popular Candies You Probably Missed
People love candy: The average American spends $84 on and consumes about 23.9 pounds of the sweet stuff each year. With all that money and attention, you'd think it would be hard for a candy product to fail. Not true. Many candy products come and go without much notice. Here are 10 variations of popular candies that many people don't realize ever existed.

8 Sexy Guinness World Records
The ultimate authority on record-breaking achievement is the Guinness Book of World Records. Some Guinness World Records are shocking. Some are insane. More than a few are downright disgusting. There are some Guinness World Records that are damn hot. From women with massive chests to balloon busting babes, here are eight Guinness records that are pretty sexy.

Looking For a New Massage Alternative? How About a Rub Down From 48NN Breasts?
Kristy Love spent a year learning to be a masseuse. She was unable to secure a gig, not because she wasn't good at her job, but because of her massive 48NN chest.

Erin Andrews & Charissa Thompson of Fox Sports 1 Are Our First Ever ‘Double Celeb Crushes’
In case you're unaware, or don't care about sports, Fox Sport 1 launched last week.

BREAKING NEWS: Kate Upton Spotted Wearing a White Bikini and Events Like This Make Us Miss Walter Cronkite
Did you know Kate Upton is filming a movie in the Hamptons with Mrs. Judd Apatow and the girl who really hasn't done much since 'The Mask' but once got Ben Stiller's sperm in her hair?

Minor League Player Steals Home to the Delight of All Seven Fans in the Stands
Minor League baseball is often the place to find some of the most exciting plays of the year. Thankfully, those plays are available to watch online. It's much easier than fighting the massive crowds that pack minor league stadiums across the US...

Let’s Celebrate 50 Years of Bret Michaels With Some Embarrassingly Awesome Photos
Bret Michaels, the former leader of Poison, winner of 'Celebrity Apprentice' and driving force behind all those awesome seasons of 'Rock of Love' turns 50 years old today.

Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard — ‘There Will Be a “Super Troopers” Sequel’
This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme of the comedy group Broken Lizard. Kevin and Steve sat down to discuss their careers, facial hair, which member of the group would be the most edible and their new stand-up special 'Fat Man Little Boy' which hits Netflix this Friday, March 1st.

Calvin Johnson Broke Receiving Record With Multiple Broken Fingers
Calvin Johnson had a monster season for the Detroit Lions. Forget monster, it was a record-breaking display. Johnson broke something else this season, besides the NFL receiving record -- he broke multiple fingers and still played.

Female News Anchor Doesn’t Know What the Gesture She’s Making With Her Hand and Mouth Really Means
I almost turned this video off .4 seconds into the most grating accent in the history of listening but then the female anchor said "big fat rubber end of my vibrating..." and things got interesting tout de suite.
For the sake of good banter, and awesome visuals of women pretending to give oral treats, watch this female anchor hand gesture herself into internet history...