I imagine there is a seductive, cult-like harem of satanic beauties dressed in pentagram bikinis being kept at an underground, back mass cathedral somewhere off the coast of Norway, where domineering idols of the heavy metal world come pawn off pieces of their eternal soul in exchange for a peak at the tan lines on the devil’s rack. What, just me?

Now, it may sound a bit far fetched to believe in a secret society of metal heads and shredders that keep a castle full of brunette, groupie sex slaves dressed in sun wear that appears to have been designed by the ghost of Aleister Crowley’s tailor, but seriously, what other excuse is there for a sexy, succubus swimsuit like this?

All I can tell you is that ever since our editorial department caught a glimpse of this pentagram bikini, everyone in the office has been coming to work wearing black, listening to Slayer on their iPods and not immediately returning their mother’s phone calls. Thank goodness church is on Sunday!

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